Somewhere along the run, I found my voice
I’ve never really been someone who shares.
Growing up I was always the shy kid. Always in my own head, worried about what people thought. I wanted to be more outgoing. More comfortable. More like my younger brother Paul.
Instead I kept to myself. Drawing, writing stories, sticking with a small group of friends. I actually found my old 2nd grade journal recently, full of stories. Ellis loves reading through it. I guess I’ve always been better at writing things than saying them out loud.
That didn’t really change as I got older. I surrounded myself with more outgoing people, which helped, but if I’m being honest I was probably a little jealous of them too. For a long time, I tried to deal with that with alcohol. Drinking before social situations just to feel normal. It worked…until it didn’t.
Running helped
In 2019 I decided to actually give running a shot. Not punishment like it was growing up, but something I wanted to stick with. Something that could be a positive in my life.
Not long after that, I lost one of my best friends, Bobby. We fought like brothers, but I loved him like one too. He brought out a version of me that wasn’t so held back. Those were some of the hardest days of my life. I remember going out on runs and just crying the entire time.
Looking back, without running, I may have leaned heavily on alcohol. Running probably saved me.
I didn’t start running to find a voice
At first it was simple. Just showing up. Shoes, watch, pavement. That was enough.
But somewhere along the way, I started having more thoughts on runs than I knew what to do with.
I was the guy who would show up to races or group runs, run, and leave right after. Still am sometimes. But slowly I started talking to people. Usually about running. That part came easier than I expected.
I found a small group along the way, the Wolfpack Ganggg. The group chat isn’t what it used to be, life gets busy, but it’s still a core part of my running journey. I even somehow ended up on the Run Your Story podcast. Years prior I would’ve said no without thinking. But I didn’t.
And then there’s the shoes
I’ve always loved shoes. Running just gave that somewhere to live. I’ve bought so many from Aaron at this point I think I kind of tricked him into becoming my friend.
It also gave me an easy way to talk to people. If I didn’t know what to say, I’d just ask about their shoes. Turns out, every runner has an opinion. I’ve probably asked about shoes before asking someone’s name more times than I’d like to admit.
That eventually led to writing reviews for Run Your Story. Which was its own step outside my comfort zone. Putting thoughts out there for people to read and judge still doesn’t come naturally. But here we are, two years later.
And lately it feels like I want to say more than just about what’s on my feet.
This part still feels strange
I still overthink things. Still wonder what people think when I show up to a race or a run, even though I know everyone else is focused on themselves. That hasn’t gone away.
But I don’t really want to stay surface level anymore either.
So this is me trying something different. To expand the blog beyond shoe reviews. A weekly dive into my thoughts on everything running.
I don’t really know what this turns into yet, but it feels like something I shouldn’t keep to myself anymore.
